Tyres
|
Introduction |
||
| Letter to Tyre / Exhaust Company
Dear Sir, I am writing to you with a Kwestion (or perhaps more of a Kwery) - If you were the customer Kwoted below, would you ever Kross the door of another xxxx-xxx depot again? In February 1998, I took my car (a Ford Granada - nothing unusual or exotic) to xxxx-xxx replace two tyres (originally fitted by you) and 2 back bits of exhaust (again, originally fitted by you). Having waited in a Kue for over 2 hours, they finally got round to me. They Kwite Kwikly replaced the exhaust, then raised the car on a chassis lift to replace the tyres. The telescopic bit of the chassis arm pushed a dent through the underseal and into the floor of the car. When they replaced the (alloy) wheels, I only saw them balance one, then they tightened them up as hard as they could by hand, then put a torK wrench on - it didn't turn the nuts at all, but, because it clicked, it must be OK, eh? Attempts to explain that the wheel nuts were actually already too tight before they saw the Tork wrench, were met with a Kwizzical look, which I found rather disKwieting, so I decided not to Kwarrel. I paid my 322 Kwid and left. At least, on this occasion, I had been charged the price Kwoted on the telephone. On many occasions, I have turned up to discover that, by some Kwirk, the telephone Kwotation was wrong, and the goods would cost more (never less). Once, I reKwested them to take the tyres back off unless they charged me the Kwoted price. It worked! Mine is not a uneeK experience in this respect. Anyway, on the way home, I found that the wheel balance was Krap, and that the back bit of exhaust was knocking on the boot floor. I went back to the depot the next day, waited in a Kue for another hour, then they realigned the exhaust and found that one of the two wheels had no balance weights on it at all, while the other was miles out of balance. Again, the wheels were replaced using the "full muscle and big spanner" teKneeK, with a few cliKs to confirm that the torK wrench hadn't siezed. (I am sorry to go on about this, but some years ago, I had a front wheel fly off at about 40mph after all four studs sheared completely, the day after xxxx-xxx had replaced a tyre. It was lucky that I or somebody on the pavement wasn't sKwashed or killed. The xxxx-xxx depot, rather Kwaintly, denied that it could have been them.) The wheel balance still wasn't right. I wasn't that surprised, because I found out years ago that xxxx-xxx eKwipment cannot balance wheels eKwitably if the tyres are bigger than about 155-13 size. Kwod Erat Demonstrandum. I knew a guy who could balance wider rims more accurately, and I was buying tyres there for a while, but he unfortunately went out of business. I also remember balancing tyres for a VW Passat using a milk bottle and a spirit level, and even this (if you took your time) resulted in a better eKwilibrium than your depots could achieve (It was also Kwikker because you saved time waiting in the Kue). I also had to adjust the tyre pressures, as one was 22 psi, and the other (same axle) was 32 psi. This is both dangerous and illegal, and entirely irresponsible for a company such as yours. Incidentally, why does your depot advise that I should use stiK-on weights only, and then, the next time (same depot), that stiK-ons are Krap, and I should use normal weights on the inner edge of the rim only, and then the next time (still the same depot), balance the wheels with weights on both rims? This inconsistency inevitably leads to Kwalms about the Kwality of the advice on offer. SubseKwently, at the end of June, as the tyres wore, I realised that they reKwired balancing again. I was in a Kwandary. Should I return to xxxx-xxx and possibly have to endure more Kwibbles over the Kwestionable Kwality of the work on offer, or should I call it Kwits and start a Kwest for somewhere else with a Kwota of Kwintessential good practice, more eKwal to the task. I Kwavered, but returned to xxxx-xxx, like a lamb Kwietly to the slaughter. Another Kue. More of my hard-earned Kwids spent. All four wheels balanced. Not Kwite. The balance is still not right. The steering wheel wobbles between 60 and 70 mph, and steady running at that speed can leave you Kwite Kweasy after not very long at all. So the Kwestion is - how do you turn a perfectly acceptable motor car into a misery-box? Answer - you make it vibrate like an earthKwake by making a Kack of the wheel balance. For example, to Kwote a scene from the comedy play that was my last visit: The Scene - A grubby xxxx-xxx tyre bay with a wet and dangerously slippery floor. xxxx-xxx Fitter 1 is attempting to balance an expensive and delicate alloy wheel, while xxxx-xxx Fitter 2 is putting the previous effort back on the car. xxF 1: Where's the 5 gram weights? xxF2: (straining every muscle and sinew to tighten a wheel nut with a spider brace) They're in a cardboard box at the back. xxF1: Right-O (disappears behind rack of tyres) (Effects : Rummage, Rummage, Shuffle, Shuffle, SKwirrel, SKwirrel) xxF1: (Offstage) I canny find them. xxF2: (still straining to tighten the next wheel nut) What size are you looking for? xxF1: (Returning from backstage) 5 Grams. xxF2: Batter a 10 onto it. (these were the exact words) xxF1: Right-O And so a 10 gram was duly fitted, so that the wheel, instead of being 5 grams under, was now 5 grams over. Having replaced all the wheels, and tightened them, xxF1 went round with the torK wrench and checked the tightness, by clicking it not once, not twice, but three times Kwikly on each nut, each time tightening it a wee bit more. He didn't tighten them in seKwence, nor did he tighten them all, because the security bolts need a different size of socket, and he didn't have it (at least I know that nobody from xxx-xxx will ever pinch my wheels). The car still vibrated between 60 and 70 mph. My Haynes manual tells me that wheel balance is important, because, vibration in the wheels will lead to rapid wear in other steering and suspension components. I had to take the wheels off yesterday to change my brake pads. I could not move the wheel nuts without a two-foot socket bar and a bit of pipe on the end. You would need the physeeK of a Gladiator to get the wheels off. I ended up hunched over like Kwasimodo for the rest of the day, with the sheer effort. How I would have changed a puncture at the side of the road is beyond me. I also discovered that my steering raK (which I only replaced less than two years ago) is naKered, no doubt as a result of imbalanced wheels for all that time. I am sure that any Kwery that I Kwalify for a Kwid pro Kwo, in the form of a free new steering raK, would be Kwikly Kwashed by xxx-xxx. In addition, big chunks of laKKer are chipping off the rim because of the eKwipment and TeKneeK used to sKweeze the tyres on and off the rims. And now I need another two tyres (on the back, this time), because the back aKwaplanes on even minute Kwantities of liKwid. Am I going to Kwadruple my misery, sKwander more Kwids, aKwiesce to the Kwagmire of another masKwerade and return to xxx-xxx again for the seeKwel? Not a chance, sKwire. I Kwit. UneKwivocally. Yours less than obseKwiously, xxxxxxxxxxxxx, EsKwire P.S. I am thinking about buying my tyres from the wee place in xxxxxxxx where the owner admits he can't dance, but can fix cars. I can't find it because you made him take his sign down. Do you have his number handy? P.P.S. I have shown this letter to one or two people of my aKwaintance, and every one of them has, well, laugh? - They laughed and laughed. Each person can Kwote a similar eKsperience with xxxx-xxx. I am therefore tempted to share my wee joke with a wider audience. As a company who has apparently survived for years as a triumph of marketing over competence, you could perhaps advise on the best media for me to eKsploit. I thought that maybe Watchdog or one of those other TV consumer programmes, or one of the Sunday papers (which were, as I recall, fundamental to your earliest success) would do the triK. What do you think? The Result? 
I posted this letter addressed directly by name to their Chairman and Managing Director. The next day, their Regional Manager telephoned me to invite me in for a chat.I went along a few days later (a Saturday) and he was most earnest to be helpful. He virtually pleaded with me not to go to the media. In the end I felt so sorry for him that I promised I wouldn't. He asked me what they could do to make amends. In the end, I got over £100 of a replacement exhaust, and 5 star treatment while they did it, and they made sure they put their best man on it. It worked! So let's give them... let me see...  one golden spanner!
 to go back to the "Favourite Letters" page |
||
This one is pretty self-explanatory. I have been driving for years and gradually grew more and more fed up with this company until... (Please note that names have been obscured to protect the guilty)