Now, I know there are a lot of books on the market telling you how to complain, and how to write letters. I hope you aren't settling down expecting me to trot out the same stuff, because my approach is somewhat unconventional.
Now let's say our friend on the left there, is the man who deals with your complaint. He probably gets loads of letters every week. Most of them are probably written using the conventional advice. So how do you make yours stand out? How do YOU get his attention focussed on YOUR problem?
Be different! Make yours stand out. By all means write it on fluorescent tangerine paper if that's your thing. I prefer to let the words do the talking (makes sense eh?).
Remember what I said on the home page about how I still remember letters sent to me from 15 years ago or more? That's because they were funny and made the point very effectively at the same time. THAT is exactly what we want!
So I use humour - sometimes a sort of rambling babbling humour that is specifically designed to attract attention... see the letter on the "trees" later for an example of that.
Sometimes I use a more barbed humour that they might not appreciate quite so much, but it makes me feel better so what the heck eh? This usually (but not always) is reserved for the second or third letter (if the first answer isn't good enough) but that depends totally on how cheesed off I feel at the start!
Sometimes it's fun to use their own marketing slogan or gimmick in your letter and turn it around against them. See the "tyres" letter or the "car insurance" letters for examples.
Remember, when you write, that you want to give them a chance to put things right, without further complication. (I'll tell you more about how much "further complication" you can cause in a minute!) So the first letter should attract attention, explain the problem, and set out exactly what you want them to do about it. You should also tell them how long you are allowing them to reply - again, be reasonable, I would say a week at least, but it depends on (a) how urgent the problem is and (b) how ticked off you are.
Sometimes you won't get an answer in time. Sometimes you won't get an answer at all. Write again. (This is usually the bit where the humour gets more... em... shall we say "directed".) They might say "Oh we didn't get your letter" or "oh it got stuck in the post for 3 days" - tsk tsk tsk... same old excuses. I once even got "Oh that letter was posted on the night the local letterbox was set on fire!" Hmmm....
When you DO get an answer, you might be very lucky and it might actually answer your problem, and offer a way to put things right. On the other hand, you might well find that the letter you get doesn't answer your problem at all - in fact you wonder if the responder has even read your letter. You'll nearly always get a standard "Oh dear sorry never mind - we'll train our staff so's it doesn't happen again" pile of drivel.
Now remember a golden rule - in many cases this answer isn't designed to be an answer at all... it's designed to get your letter off their desk and into a file, in the hope that you (like most people) will give up and say "Ah well at least I tried." Well don't. If you're not happy with the answer, write again. And again. And again if you have to. Be persistent.
Whatever you do, don't be depressed because things seem to be taking a long time. That's often the way with exchanging letters, and sometimes you don't see the fruits of your labours for a wee while. Remember, the point is to get EFFECTIVE results, not necessarily quick results (although ideally you'll get both.
If you really MUST worry about it and then get depressed too early, because nobody loves you and nobody writes back to you after just a couple of days, then this link might help you!
So, what do you do with these garbage letters that you get back? Well you keep them of course! You might need them later! You can file them, or scan them and keep them on your computer. On the other hand the temptation is very strong to put them to some use... Don't do it!
Alternatively you can make a lovely decoration for your home. This keeps the letter safe and also provides a good ice breaker so that you can tell guests at every opportunity of your most recent complaining exploits.
Dealing with big corporations or the public utilities can be very difficult. If possible, try to get a hold of a name, the more senior the better, and always write to them, so that you bring YOUR problem to THEIR personal basis. It;s also worth copying everything you write to everybody you know in the corporation - It means that they don't get a chance to forget about you!
If you have to, be a nuisance. Keep replying to their letters and phone calls so that they know you won't go away. Mean what you say - don't bluff!
After a while (and the length of the "while" can vary depending on their answers) you might feel that you have to get heavy, and involve some serious backup. By that I mean people like trade associations, trading standards, regulatory bodies. You might want to involve your local councillor or MP if it's a local problem or you feel that they would be interested. The basic rule here is that you have to find out what is likely to scare your new penpals, and then scare them with it. It might be publicity (In the tyres case I knew that they had built their business through careful use of the media so knew the power there). When things reach this stage, don't feel guilty. You wrote to them, they palmed you off, they've had their chance and they blew it.
Next question is - Do you tell them you're going to do this? Personally, I wouldn't, because it sounds like empty threats, and if you do write to the papers or TV or your MP and they do nothing, you look sillier. Also, if you keep quiet and just do it, it keeps them guessing - when a BBC letter or MP letter arrives unexpectedly you want them to wonder "Aw no... what else is he/she up to?"
-Whatever, I've said it before and I'll say it again.. DON'T GIVE UP!!
